Remember the song from Annie, I Don't Need Anything But You":
'Yesterday was plain awful and Daddy Warbucks sings back: 'You
can say that again' and she does?
It's been 3 weeks tonight since I saw my Dobie boy drop dead
and I really thought I had accepted that he was gone... could
focus on the joy this boy brought into our then 4 creature
family-the great memories of long hikes in the mountains
behind our house with my 2 four footed boys, being ever so
grateful that his heart did not stop out there in the
wilderness where I would never have found him.
But then I saw Rachel's email, with the subject line, 'It came
to me'.
"I lose a part of my heart with the loss of each dog. And when
my next dog gifts me with a piece of his heart, I know that
another piece of my heart will be buried with him when he
dies. Maybe someday my heart will be transformed into these
pieces- these gifts- and finally create a heart filled only
with generosity and love, like that of a dog."
About 4 years ago complications from a surgery forced us to
keep Ally, our Doberman at the hospital, practically immobile
in a kennel barely large enough for him to stand. My husband
John brought a 4 inch stuffed heart to Ally, knowing how he
loved his stuffed animals. Until his death, Ally treasured
that heart; several times a month he would bring it over to
John and stare at him with his uniquely Ally gaze with the
heart in his mouth. Mere words could never convey the
gratitude of that dog to that man for the gift; its memory and
meaning.
That heart now rests against the stone marking Ally's grave.
Rachel's words have answered my questions about the intensity
of my grief, the haunting sense that it is out of proportion
when weighed against so many more terrible losses of humans in
this world... embarrassment at the knowledge that the loss of
my dogs has hurt more deeply than has the deaths of members of
my family.
Rachel is the Mom of 2 young boys, the wife of a busy husband
who travels all over the world while she home schools her 5
and 10 year old sons. In early January, she emailed me with a
simple "Rest in peace, Houdini" to let me know that their 15
year old Australian Shepherd had died. Foolishly, I assumed
that she had moved on with her busy life... after all, she and
Dan knew that the dog was practically deaf and was sleeping
more and more. They were expecting that they would lose
Houdini... it was time.
But then I received Rachel's email early yesterday morning.
When I read her words to me yesterday, and as I write about
them now, I realize the absurdity of any attempt to place a
time limit or a metric on her grief or my own... but more...
much more, I realize the truth of the words from this busy
wife and Mom about the death of her beloved Houdini.
I thank you for your words Rachel;they are wise---profound,
really: the innocent and unsullied love of a dog is pure gift
for the time we are graced with it and when it is gone, our
bleeding hearts are stretched; our capacity for love far, far
greater now. The deaths of our dogs teach us and the lessons
are visceral... radical. We become more than we were.
Rest in peace Ally-you worked hard to teach me... rest now.
Lin Wilder, DrPH is a former Hospital Director. She is a
writer, on-line marketer and Partner in LLeads and Fast MLM
Leads; business to business leads companies.
Her web site is http://www.linwilder.com. Lin suggests that
you check out one of her latest books at Amazon, A Search for
the Sacred. http://www.amazon.com/A-Search-Sacred-
ebook/dp/B007K9813M
Contact Dr. Lin at lin@linwilder.com
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