Many of us look forward to the end of year holiday as a time when we can relax with family and friends; catch up with extended family members, get to know our teenagers better and play games or swim with younger children.
Unfortunately it doesn't always work out quite like that.
Many family holidays are spoiled by disagreements that lead to arguments, sulking or aggressive behaviour, and an atmosphere of unease and tension. Considering the complexity of our lives, tension amongst family and friends is at times, almost inevitable. It's how you handle it that matters.
First off, choose your battles. It's a holiday and you're with people you may not see much of during the year. What's really important? Winning an argument or maintaining your relationship with someone? If you make every difference of opinion a win lose battle, arguments are inevitable. Before you go in to attack or defend, think whether the issue is all that important. Sometimes it's OK to let things go.
Other times it's best to speak up; but to do so carefully and respectfully. Plan your conversations. Make them safe. That means you shouldn't speak up in the heat of an angry or upset moment. Get your breath back. Sleep on it. Choose a time and place when you can quietly discuss what is bothering you without accusation or blame. There are two sides to every story and you could well be part of the problem.
Remember that your opinions are not facts, no matter how strongly you feel. Allow others to hold opinions too, and respect that they feel just as strongly about them as you do about yours. Ask questions so you understand why others feel as they do. Choose your moment and say 'Can we talk some more about this? I'd like to understand how you've formed your ideas.' Then listen.
Listen more than you talk. Monologues, diatribes and constant moaning about your personal troubles don't make for good conversations, on holiday or any other time. Listen especially carefully to people with whom you don't have much in common or with whom you hold opposing views. It's one of the best ways to show respect and to get to know someone. Put away your phone, turn the TV off, maintain eye contact, and pay attention.
We sometimes stress over the gifts we choose at holiday time. Don't forget the gifts of respect, consideration and understanding. They are appreciated by everyone.
Maureen Collins has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of management and consulting experience in the corporate world. In Straight Talk coaching and workshops she shows people how to deal with conversations that are difficult, sensitive and potentially disastrous for careers and relationships. She has two published books. Conversations at work that get results shows how to give feedback and improve performance. How to handle conversations that scare you takes the Straight Talk principles into families and personal relationships.
Read more on http://www.straight-talk.co.za
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